OK, this is long due post. I wrote it during my Jobless, loveless , lifeless phase of my life. Well, things didn't change much since then but they are still better. I was extremely suicidal one night and called a friend who is no longer my friend named Jhandu. The conversation was like this.
Me: Tell me some foolproof ways to commit suicide
Jhandu : What? Why do you want to kill yourself?
Me: Answer that
Jhandu: Just because you didn't get job or that guy?
Me: I am not going to die because of that guy.
Jhandu: Just because of that job?
Me: Whatever
Jhandu: Dekh, you are a girl, people will TALK , if you commit suicide.
Me: Like I care
Jhandu: Your Chachi will say " didn'i I say she is Awara ". Your Mama Mami will say " Aur bhejo ladki ko baaher". Your Bua will say " she was pregnant. I knew that. Did you see the kind of clothes she would wear."
Me: Shut up. Tell me the right way else I will hung up.
Jhandu: Wait. You belong to a well to do family. People will say " ek ladki nahi sambhal paaye".
Me: I live on 6th floor. Should I jump from there?
Jhandu: You wouldn't die, just get broken.
Me: Shall I drink phenyl?
Jhandu: That will make you vomit!
Me: Then
Jhandu: Google out na
Me : Fuck, I don't have the bloody internet
Jhandu: Write a number
Me: Who is this?
Jhandu: He deals with illegal stuffs like sleeping pills and saaap ka zeher
Me: what?
Jhandu: He will give you cyanide for 20,000 and saap ka zeher for 500.
Me: Cyanide for 20,000? saale I didn't spend that much on my life and you are asking me to shell out for my death?
Jhandu: Arey. Your funeral will cost more than your all birtdays combined.
Me: what if I didn't die? Will he return my money?
Jhandu: Arey yaar cyanide kha ke koun bachta hai?
Me: Me bach jaaongi, Footi kismat.
Jhandu: Arey you will get nobel prize for telling cyanide's test
I don't remember rest of the conversation. But kyaa raat thi yaar, I really felt like killing myself.
hehehe... i know it is a serious post but i got several laughing attacks while reading this..!!! ;)
ReplyDeletehey, nothing serious yaar
ReplyDeleteThanks to Jhandu whose words worked like a Jhandu balm in making you think the reverse. Death is not far it is a reality so enjoy life till it happens. Take care
ReplyDeleteLOL I have had such conversations with a friend of mine once too :P
ReplyDeleteMade me remember my night :D Hum aur humari suicidal thoughts :P
Hi Shas
ReplyDeleteSach me yaar Nabs, marne ka mann ho raha tha us raat
achha hua...wo khyal sirf khyal hi reh gaya
ReplyDeleteaur humein ye funny post mil gaya :)
Kunal
interesting read
ReplyDeleteAmazing friend you have there, I fell laughing from my chair
ReplyDeleteYour Bua will say " she was pregnant. I knew that. Did you see the kind of clothes she would wear."
ReplyDeletelol....!
Peshto meri jaan, aa gaya ghoom ke?
ReplyDeleteNikhil ,:P
we all need such friends during those dark times :)
ReplyDeleteI know
ReplyDeleteHehehe serious post written hilariously !
ReplyDeletelove your style of writing very much.
Kabhi Uss raat ki tarah sochna bhi mat. Kya hamaari kismet Footy bananay ka iraada tha kya?? :P
Paapad ki sabzi banana kaun sikhaata hamein :)
Still laughing at Jhandu’s imagination !